just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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