i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
