dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
