What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
