Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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