I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
