Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
