I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
