I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
