i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
