I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
