did you get engaged???
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How does it feel to date your dad?
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