i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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