Pappa wants mamma naked
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
