Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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