Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
someone get that fucking seahorse.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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