Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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