The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
