my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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