she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
