Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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