Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
