dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
