I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
