the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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