Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
