it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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