I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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