I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
