Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize