Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
