I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
