member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
