Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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