My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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