just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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