you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
