The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
