sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
