I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
