Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
