I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
