I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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