I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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