How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
