Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize