Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
