he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
