Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
