Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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