the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
