people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
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Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?