I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
dude. I can hear the air.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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