we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass