a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
