i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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