please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
