My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
