Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
