That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
