The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
