you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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