I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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