Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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