I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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