If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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