I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
