would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
