All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
