Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
