Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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