my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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