I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
