you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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