my phone needs a breathalizer
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
