your parents love me but you hate me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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