I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
