i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
