apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
